Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

"Nothing Higher To Live For" (video)

A Buddhist View of Romantic Love
Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano (BPS, Bodhi Leaves No. 124)
"Like Crazy" (trailer)

IF IT IS possible to live with a purpose, what should that purpose be? A purpose might be a guiding principle, a philosophy, or a value of sovereign importance that informs and directs our activities and thoughts.

To have one is to live seriously -- though not necessarily wisely -- following some track, believing in a hub to the wheeling universe or a sea toward which we flow or an end before which all the hubbub of civilization subsides.

What is your purpose, friend, or what should it be? Perhaps most of us do not come to a clear conclusion in the matter. But this does not mean we have no purpose, only that we do not recognize it or admit it or even choose it for ourselves.

In the unhappiest case nature simply takes its course, which is a turbid meandering through the swamps of desire. If life means nothing then only pleasure is worthwhile; or if life has meaning and we cannot get at it then still only enjoyment matters -- such is the view of brutes and some sophisticated philosophers.

It slips into the unconscious by default when we hold no other. But we are reluctant to entertain it and will rather, if we think about it, take as our purpose support of family, search for beauty, improvement of society, fame, self-expression, development of talent, and so on.

But it might be fair to say that apart from these or beneath these the fundamental purpose of many of us is the search for love, particularly romantic love. The love of a man for a woman and a woman for a man is often the floor to which people fall after the collapse of other dreams. It is held to be solid when nothing else is, and though it frequently gives way and dumps them into a basement of despair, it still enjoys a reputation of dependability.

No matter that this reputation is illogical -- it still flourishes and will continue to flourish regardless of what is said in any book. Love, or possibly the myth of love [with its knights in shining armor and falling angels], is the first, last, and sometimes the only refuge of uncomprehending humanity.

What else makes our hearts beat so fast? What else makes us swoon with feeling? What else renders us so intensely alive and aching?

The search for love -- the sublime, the nebulous, the consuming -- remains sacred in a world that increasingly despises the sacred.



When the heroic and the transcendental are but memories, when religious institutions fill up with bureaucrats and social scientists, when nobody believes there is a sky beyond the ceiling, then there seems no other escape from the prison of self than the abandon of love.

With a gray age of spiritual deadness upon us, we love, or beg for love, or grieve for love. We have nothing higher to live for.

Indeed, many take it on faith that romantic love is the highest thing to live for. Popular literature, movies, art, and music tirelessly celebrate it as the one truth accessible to all.

Such love obliterates reason, as poets have long sweetly lamented, and this is part of its charm and power, because we want to be swept up and spirited out of our calculating selves.

“Want” is the key word, for in the spiritual void of modern life the wanting of love becomes increasingly indistinguishable from love itself.

So powerful, so insistent is it that we seldom notice that the gratification is rare and the craving relentless. Love is mostly in anticipation; it is an agony of anticipation; it is an ache for a completion not found in the dreary round of mundane routine.

That we never seem to possess it in its imagined fullness does not deter us. It hurts so bad that it must be good.

Practically nobody questions the supremacy of romantic love, which is good enough reason to do a little poking around the foundations of its pedestal. More

Monday, October 3, 2011

Relationship Dharma



Relationships are great. They give our lives meaning. And there is probably nothing that leads more people to spirituality in general and Buddhism in specific than the suffering that comes from them. We do not have to wait to the break up to sometimes feel empty, jilted, cheated on, or dissatisfied. All we have in life are relationships -- most of them not romantic. So why is the romance so tough? Maybe it's the roles we play. Kloncke has a great take on it.

A couple who meditates in bed together... usually ends up doing something else. Sit in the living room.

Relationship Dhamma
Katie (Kloncke.com), tweaked with love by Wisdom Quarterly
Concluding this spontaneous miniseries on companionship (spontaneous yes, but maybe not concluding), we arrive at Ryan. Who? You know, my partner, the guy from Kale vs. Flowers and Bad Good Romance.

The other day, I read a passage from James Agee’s Southern novel A Death in the Family that reminded me of our household dynamic. Specifically, it reminded me of the ways we negotiate gendered roles, try to both anticipate and discuss each others’ needs, and occasionally discover “dhamma,” or insights about the nature of things, right in the (dis)comfort of our own home.

In this scene from the book, Jay is jolted awake in the dead of night thanks to a call... Jay has decided to take the train up to his parents’ town, and he and his wife Mary, also awakened by the phone call, are getting him ready to leave.

Ryan tells this funny joke sometimes about one method -- half-conscious at best -- by which person X tries to evade domestic work and pile it on a partner:

  • “But you’re so good at [cooking, doing laundry, calming a fretful child]. If I do it, I’ll just [bleep] it up.”

This is a passive-aggressive compliment-trap, which leaves the other person feeling obligated to do the thing s/he is so much better at doing.

Obviously, this is one of the big problems with the naturalization of gender roles in hetero-normative family systems. Men are raised to believe that they don’t have to learn how to cook/clean/mend/mind children because women are so naturally good at it. More

Feedback
  • This s*cks, what about the sex? Dharma-sharma, Zen pita sandwich. If we encouraged gutsier behavior from American Buddhist guys, or tamped down women telling people to have boundaries all over the place, I for one would be a happier camper. Let free love be free. Chemistry first, then worry about the details? - Lovedoll
  • Oh, Katie. My heart feels good reading this, I’ve been thinking about things like this, and I love when I get to hear where you’re thinking and the spaces you make for it. A blessing! - Leorasf
  • I've been practicing and studying the Buddha Way since 1993 and exploring the question "What is engaged Buddhism?" since the late 90s. As former executive director of the Buddhist Peace Fellowship and editor of its journal, Turning Wheel, I was privileged to meet many practitioners of engaged Dharma including Robert Aitken Roshi, who told me that THERE IS NO BUDDHISM THAT IS NOT ENGAGED. Now I direct the Upaya Buddhist Chaplaincy Program along with Roshi Joan Halifax, where we forge new pathways of everyday engagement and servant leadership. - Maia Duerr

Mrs. and Mr. Goenka practice the Art of Living as married householders (dhamma.org)

Monday, May 23, 2011

"Barry O'Bama" dazzles Ireland (video)


With a forged birth certificate, anything's possible for Baraig Barry Soetoro O'Bama

DUBLIN, Ireland (CNN) - Thousands of jubilant Irishmen and women gave U.S. President Barack Obama a virtual hero's welcome Monday, embracing him as one of their own in a visit that included a campaign-style speech in downtown Dublin and a stop at the president's ancestral home.

Addressing an estimated crowd of 25,000 people at Dublin's famed College Green, Obama praised the "centuries-old relationship" between Ireland and America, and said he had traveled to Ireland "to reaffirm those bonds of affection."

The stop came on the first day of Obama's six-day, four-country European tour, which will also take the president to Britain, France and Poland. More (with VIDEO)



The Global Finance Connection
Wisdom Quarterly (COMMENTARY)

MONEYGALL, Ireland - Icelandic volcano eruption welcomes O'Bama to Europe again. There's a wee bit o' Irish in just about everyone now. The devas that hybridized humans on the Emerald Isle, with their strange red hair and freckled translucent skin not accustomed to our decreasingly filtered sunlight (thanks to environmental degradation and atmospheric deterioration), ventured far. The new gene sequences even made it into future World Leader Barry O'Bama and previous dictator Dick Cheney and others.

It's a long way for green to go, but we are all one human race. And that includes our extraterrestrial forebears. Yes, there are relations all over the galaxy, but even if revealed on a large scale, it will be too hard to believe.

Meanwhile, on a small scale: It's no accident who gets selected to rule. Karma plays a major role, and the powers that be know it. So bloodlines, horoscopes, speaking abilities, and grooming go a long way.


Unfortunately, so does the governing war mentality, the long history of naga (reptile-hybrid) influence, and the survival of world mythological traditions that hold the essence of the story in our awareness.

Why is O'Bama in Ireland...is there an economic connection? Ruling the world means ruling money, banking, and high finance. With the coming economic collapse, the fall of the dollar that precipitates a rearrangement of the [Brave New] World Order: