References to
pandaka ("pervert"), a deviant gender category usually interpreted to include transgressive
sex addicts, can be found in ancient Buddhist texts (Pali and Sanskrit).
The term, however, does not have a fixed meaning over time. It is generally (mis-)translated as "eunuch," which most
pandakas are certainly not.
Far from neutered, they are consumed with acting out in perverse, extraordinary, transgressive, and deviant (unethical, even illegal) ways.
Leonard Zwilling (1992)* refers extensively to Ven. Buddhaghosa's
Samantapasadika, where
pandakas are described as being
filled with defiled passions and insatiable lusts dominated by libido. The
Abhidharma states that due to the obstruction of being obsessed with sexuality, a
pandaka is unable to achieve enlightenment in that lifetime. In the future, of course, change and rebirth means it is not a permanent obstruction.
The cartoon character Quagmire (in Seth MacFarlane's "Family Guy")
is the poster child to explain what this term means. He could be renamed "Glenn Pandaka" in the Hindi/Sanskrit-dubbed Indian version of the show, although they might not see the humor in such aberrant
sexual misconduct.
A
pandaka is not a eunuch, homosexual, adulterer, or transgendered individual -- but may manifest in all of these ways and more. "Pervert" may be too harsh in that in modern American usage it connotes a judgmental attitude. But "sex addict" brings peels of laughter because most of do not believe sex can possibly be an "addiction," or if it is, then we imagine we all are such "addict."
Sex addiction (
satyrism and
nymphomania or
pansexuality) is, in fact, very real. But it is not what it seems and not what we imagine. Sex for the "sex addict" is
not enjoyable; it is compulsive and terribly unsatisfying.
Unable to grasp or express what is happening, our psyches behave in odd and compulsive ways we can hardly begin to explain. So "acting out" has come to mean misbehavior, particularly sexual misconduct, rooted in childhood trauma, confusion about sexual orientation, and an apparent inability to inhibit impulses.
This inability leads to cheating (violating one's own relationships), adultery (violating others' relationships), indiscriminate sexual practices, promiscuity, the insatiable need for novel stimulation... all the while being unable to tamp down the fire that is in fact being fed by everything that is being thrown at it.
Repression and denial are not healthy solutions since pushing it down here only causes it to pop up there with greater force.
Pornography, pansexuality, molestation, transgression, seduction, betrayal, sexting -- things we sometimes take rather lightly are in fact serious lapses in conduct (karma) that get us in a lot of trouble, particularly if we're in the spotlight.
More sex is not a solution when it brings distress, humiliation, self-loathing, low self-esteem, ignominy, jail time, ostracism.
Even when it is rooted in having been molested or otherwise traumatized as a child, which of course is unfair, our actions still bring results for us.
In spite of the fact that so many of us are victims (of verbal, emotional, religious, ritual, psychological, physical, and sexual) abuse, part of the condition is to
blame ourselves. Caught in a cycle of shame, we "act out." It is hardly sexy.
One addiction is often accompanied by another -- alcoholism to mask painful memories and unpleasant feelings associated with buried
memories, drug abuse that makes appearing in porn seem like a good idea, thrill seeking and body art to try to get feeling from something (combating
anhedonia,
subclinical depression, bipolar disorder, etc.).
Dr. Mate points out that he has never met a sex addict who was not molested, which is not to say that all molested children will become sex addicts.
Sexual anorexia and bodily dissociation are also common expressions of what is coming to be recognized as PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) resulting from
incest, abuse, assault, rape, and other forms of trauma.
We have a taboo around incest and rape. But the taboo is actually not against committing incest. It is about talking about it, particularly by victims.
There are many degrees of affliction. And nearly all of us have been "traumatized" in life in some way or another. So what makes a free spirited
enjoyer of sex a "sex
addict"?
The answer is very simple. It is explained by America's favorite sexologist,
Dr. Drew Pinsky (addiction medicine specialist and board-certified internist) from
Loveline radio, "
Celebrity Rehab," and his own
CNN blog:
When in the face of increasing consequences and distress, you continue to act out and feel unable to stop...you just might be a sex addict.
The greatest art in spiritual life is finding balance. The entire teaching of the Buddha are summed up in his encouragement to find and travel the Middle Path, which is not about compromising but avoiding extremes of a false dichotomy that is wrong on both sides. To seek neither the extremes (in terms of view) of external existence nor annihilation, neither self mortification nor sensual indulgence, neither faith nor reason [but rather direct experience]. The balance between these is the path of awakening and freedom. The path of balance is to be with what is true in life and to love that, to be committed to the truth on every level. Modified from Christina Feldman and Jack Kornfield, Stories of the Spirit, Stories of the Heart (Tricycle Magazine).
