Showing posts with label danger in attachment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label danger in attachment. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

"Nothing Higher To Live For" (video)

A Buddhist View of Romantic Love
Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano (BPS, Bodhi Leaves No. 124)
"Like Crazy" (trailer)

IF IT IS possible to live with a purpose, what should that purpose be? A purpose might be a guiding principle, a philosophy, or a value of sovereign importance that informs and directs our activities and thoughts.

To have one is to live seriously -- though not necessarily wisely -- following some track, believing in a hub to the wheeling universe or a sea toward which we flow or an end before which all the hubbub of civilization subsides.

What is your purpose, friend, or what should it be? Perhaps most of us do not come to a clear conclusion in the matter. But this does not mean we have no purpose, only that we do not recognize it or admit it or even choose it for ourselves.

In the unhappiest case nature simply takes its course, which is a turbid meandering through the swamps of desire. If life means nothing then only pleasure is worthwhile; or if life has meaning and we cannot get at it then still only enjoyment matters -- such is the view of brutes and some sophisticated philosophers.

It slips into the unconscious by default when we hold no other. But we are reluctant to entertain it and will rather, if we think about it, take as our purpose support of family, search for beauty, improvement of society, fame, self-expression, development of talent, and so on.

But it might be fair to say that apart from these or beneath these the fundamental purpose of many of us is the search for love, particularly romantic love. The love of a man for a woman and a woman for a man is often the floor to which people fall after the collapse of other dreams. It is held to be solid when nothing else is, and though it frequently gives way and dumps them into a basement of despair, it still enjoys a reputation of dependability.

No matter that this reputation is illogical -- it still flourishes and will continue to flourish regardless of what is said in any book. Love, or possibly the myth of love [with its knights in shining armor and falling angels], is the first, last, and sometimes the only refuge of uncomprehending humanity.

What else makes our hearts beat so fast? What else makes us swoon with feeling? What else renders us so intensely alive and aching?

The search for love -- the sublime, the nebulous, the consuming -- remains sacred in a world that increasingly despises the sacred.



When the heroic and the transcendental are but memories, when religious institutions fill up with bureaucrats and social scientists, when nobody believes there is a sky beyond the ceiling, then there seems no other escape from the prison of self than the abandon of love.

With a gray age of spiritual deadness upon us, we love, or beg for love, or grieve for love. We have nothing higher to live for.

Indeed, many take it on faith that romantic love is the highest thing to live for. Popular literature, movies, art, and music tirelessly celebrate it as the one truth accessible to all.

Such love obliterates reason, as poets have long sweetly lamented, and this is part of its charm and power, because we want to be swept up and spirited out of our calculating selves.

“Want” is the key word, for in the spiritual void of modern life the wanting of love becomes increasingly indistinguishable from love itself.

So powerful, so insistent is it that we seldom notice that the gratification is rare and the craving relentless. Love is mostly in anticipation; it is an agony of anticipation; it is an ache for a completion not found in the dreary round of mundane routine.

That we never seem to possess it in its imagined fullness does not deter us. It hurts so bad that it must be good.

Practically nobody questions the supremacy of romantic love, which is good enough reason to do a little poking around the foundations of its pedestal. More

Friday, October 21, 2011

Study: Women are attracted to other women

Huffington Post, Wisdom Quarterly


Admiring another woman’s looks could have an underlying meaning, because according to recent research, 60 per cent of heterosexual women find other women sexually attractive.

The latest findings from Boise State University discovered that:

  • over half of the 484 straight women questioned had been attracted to another female at some point in their lives
  • a further 45 per cent admitted to kissing a woman
  • 50 per cent confessed to enjoying fantasies about other ladies.

“Women are encouraged to be emotionally close to each other. That provides an opportunity for intimacy and romantic feelings to develop,” says Prof. Elizabeth Morgan from the study. A previous study found that the chances of a woman being attracted to other women increases as she get older. More

Sexual Misconduct?
Wisdom Quarterly
"I kissed a girl, and I liked it, taste of her cherry Chapstick," Katy Perry likes to brag. And as a society we love it. And as parents we worry. And as college girls we think we're the only ones. Is bisexuality or lesbianism "sexual misconduct," breaking the third of the Five Precepts?

This is a difficult question. When asked and pressed one very prominent Buddhist scholar-monk told us yes. He may have worried about why we were asking. The question was specifically about women engaging in sex with other women. But since a man was doing the asking -- and since by monastic disciplinary (Vinaya) rules penetration is what counts as intercourse and "defeat" (parajika) -- the venerable elder may have worried more about the questioner than the question.


(androgynousbeauty)

Obviously homosexuality, bisexuality, experimentation, and child molestation (bacha bazi, pederasty, pedophilia) are rampant throughout the world. But almost nowhere are they spoken of freely. The taboo against molestation and incest is not in committing it but in talking about it, particularly by victims. Molestation leads to unwanted sexual feelings.

If there were no homosexual molestation, it is very likely there would still be a significant percentage of homosexuals in the world's population. However, it would not likely carry the stigma it now does due to its being confounded with the very disturbing issue of child molestation.

Sex with children and children having sex with one another is sexual misconduct (kamesu micchacara). The sexist definition of the term is recounted by monks (in the absence of a nun's tradition in the oldest Buddhist monastic disciplinary code, which is only now being revived after a long absence). The term is detailed for monastics since it involves any sexual or erotic behavior. But for lay Buddhists it is limited and somewhat unclear.

Found in the Numerical Discourses, Book of Tens, Discourse 206 (AN X.206), "sexual misconduct" is defined as sex (presumably intercourse) with a female who is protected by (dependent on) any of ten types of guardians. Surely the same applies for females, who in many traditional societies are spoken of as if they had no sexual agency and were merely receptive.

  • "Abandoning sexual misconduct, one abstains from sexual misconduct; he does not have intercourse with women who are protected by their (1) mother, (2) father, (3) mother and (4) father, (5) brother, (6) sister, or (7) relatives, who have a (8) husband, who are protected by (9) law, or with those already (10) engaged."

(See Bhikkhu Bodhi translation, In the Buddha's Words, p. 159, based on MN41; Saleyyaka Sutra; I 286-90).

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Heartbreak to Happiness

Aurora Winter, Wisdom Quarterly


Joy and Sorrow
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of joy and sorrow."
And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow,"
and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
- KAHLIL GIBRAN
1. TRAGEDY
Pummeled by a waterfall of grief
so intense and powerful,
it takes all my strength and concentration
to simply remain standing under the assaulting deluge.
Or I surrender -- and I’m swept away.



Premonition

(18 DAYS PRIOR TO HIS DEATH)
I dream that I’m walking toward a door. An ordinary door in an ordinary room. I open the door, continuing on my way. Immediately, I regret that innocent step, for the door opens into a black void. There is no floor. No ceiling. No walls. Just emptiness stretching on forever and a wind that howls its loneliness and whips my hair into my stinging eyes. Desperate, I try to scramble backward to safety, but it’s too late. Relentless, gravity claims me. I plummet into dark emptiness.

The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.
-URSULA K. LEGUIN

Tragedy (DAY 1)
The nurse plagues me with questions. “What’s his name? Where do you live?” I want to scream at her, Don’t you know my husband’s not breathing? I don’t belong here! I belong at my husband’s side! I race toward Emergency, toward closed doors. The fireman who administered CPR in the ambulance exits. He sees the question on my face. “I’m sorry.”

And then I know he’s dead. My husband is dead. The fireman envelops me, comforts me with a hug. I feel heat and sweat and caring. He tried so hard to revive him. And failed. Everything is a blur. The air is thick like water. Everything is muffled. Everything is in slow motion. David lies on a hospital bed in a room alone. He could be sleeping. His body is still warm.

I bawl and wail my grief, words tumbling out, a torrent of things I need to say. I nestle my head against his chest, like I did when we were sleeping. I feel soothed, I feel heard. He is still here. He is lingering in the air, lingering in the warmth of his body. I pour my heart out to him, I tell him how much I love him. Hours later, I grow quiet. Finally, I lift my head from his chest, where it had lain safe and sheltered in love every night for ten years. More
  • From Heartbreak to Happiness is a book by life coach, author, and speaker Aurora Winter, endorsed by New York Times best-selling author Dr. Wayne Dyer. Her gifts of recovery are dedicated to the world's peace and prosperity.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Heartbreak: My Partner Left Me!!!

"No, not again, O, what a man, just who I thought that I wanted to have. O, don't do that. Don't use that bat. That's all it takes to make me falling flat. No, not again, the loser I am. I love you tonight. You are my knight. Pure and assure to make me feel all right. Tomorrow you'll find that I'm not around. But don't be uptight because I loved you last night. Vacant and free, yeah, that is me. Just tell me how, and I'll please for free. Tell me I'm good. I know I'm bad. Lies make me feel fine although it is sad... (The Cardigans sing about abuse to the tune of the terrifying "Black Sabbath" by Black Sabbath)



The Younger Woman: Why a husband’s decision to leave might be the best thing that could have happened

Patti Carmalt-Vener (Pasadena Weekly, August 4, 2011)

Dear Patti: One night a year ago my husband of 30 years announced he’d fallen in love with another woman and was moving out. I later found out he was having an affair with a female coworker half his age. At first I was in shock, but I really believed that after the initial excitement of being with someone younger, he’d realize they had nothing in common and their affair would end. For the past year we’ve been meeting monthly to have coffee or a drink together, and I’ve been waiting for him to come home.



Two days ago, he said he didn’t want to hurt me but that he wanted me to know he had filed for divorce. The shock and pain poured over me, because I finally realized John would never be coming back. He feels friendship, sorrow and pity but he doesn’t see me as someone he wants anymore.



How could I have been so naïve and foolish as to believe he’d leave an exciting younger woman for me? I feel so frumpy, old and washed up right now. I’d never hurt myself, but I wonder if I’ll ever want to really live again. The idea of starting over seems too big a task to tackle. – Maggie







Dear Maggie: You’ve been using denial to defend against the painful truth that John isn’t coming back. The chance for you to start a new life began when you refused to deny the reality any longer that your marriage is over. Feeling as if you’ve hit rock-bottom is sometimes what it takes to start rebuilding a completely new self. While the grief, pain, and even rage might seem unbearable at first, they will eventually subside if you allow those feelings to wash over again and again. People who are unable to heal are those who refuse to face their loss and suppress their negative emotions through activities such as drinking, drugs and overworking. More





Why go in search of a solution?

Wisdom Quarterly


What brings us to the Dharma? It's nice to think it's a Noble Quest, some search for Truth, or the altruistic desire to save all living beings. But it is often suffering that spurs the search. Siddhartha would not have left his luxurious palaces if it were not for suffering and the realization that all existence is beset by this wide ranging problem called dukkha in ancient India. So one needn't let the initial motive deter one. Make as much progress as possible, learning and meditating, being kind to others and spreading the message that there really exists a "complete end to suffering" (nirvana). Wisdom Quarterly could always use help. For soon someone else will come along and distract us all over again. Or we'll resort to drinking and drug use. (What do you think that prescription was?) Or we'll sink into misery unutterable and make everyone around us miserable. It has been this way for countless lives.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Animal Karma: "One Lucky Elephant" (film)



() What happens to a circus elephant when it comes time to retire? After 16 years in the spotlight, Flora, an African elephant living in St. Louis, must find a new home. And David, the circus producer who has cared for her all these years, must say goodbye. The road to Flora's retirement, however, is a difficult and emotional one. The bond between human and elephant is tested in unexpected ways. Ten years in the making, this touching, thought-provoking film deftly investigates the problems and mysteries posed by keeping wild animals in captivity while never losing sight of the delicate love story at its heart.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Letting Go of Suffering (Now)

(Virtual) Church of Forgiveness.com

TAKE A MOMENT NOW

and experience yourself dropping your suffering to the ground.

Hear it sizzling as it cools,
passing its heat and melting away
into the vastness of Mother Earth

MotherEarth

You’re feeling COOLER now.

RIGHT NOW decide to REALLY
RELEASE.

Then as you do so, click below.